| 1 More Day |
[May. 27th, 2004|08:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +My furby, that if it doesnt shut up I'm about to kill+ | ] |
Hey!! OMFG!! 1 more day of school. yes. good. I'ma bring my digitally camera whee. i might take a pic of ppl maybe but i really dun care bout anyone spect maybe MAYBE Rosario, and i <333 lulu but she not at our school no more.. me will take piccys of her in summer and well have summer school together haha we be bffs forever! <333 we go bowling for my bday? maybe? I cant wait. I want DDR. i might not gett it. My mom is bitching at me 24/7 and im in deep shit since i failed math lol and shes always bitchin at me anyway, and my mom saw my cuts..she might call columbia..damn her. and rosario is all in my bussiness and i think he told ms pilla! gahh i cant stand him sometimes..... he "came out" to me today..wow. i never thought rosario was bisexual..i didnt think he liked guys...but theres nuffin wrong with that! Guys are HOT!! and girls are hot sometimes... i think i might be bi, but i see nothing wrong with it. Gays bis and lesbians are people too..they have feelings and everything just because they like their same sex you dont have to treat like shit and hate on them. and fuck bush tooo i want one of those rock against bush cds...whooo. im soo happy schools almost over i am so fed up with it! i want to kill mehselffffff >.< im getting obsessive with cutting now...i used to think it was stupid now im obsessing gah is that bad? Broken Glass, Knifes, and the metal thing of pencils..eep or anything sharp. bad me.. x_x lala im so depressed..why cant i BE HAPPY!! gah. depression sucks, but it also rocks. |
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| hi |
[May. 26th, 2004|06:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +My mom's bitching+ | ] |
today was stupid like every other day k thats it k thnx bye |
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| Furbys are cool. |
[May. 25th, 2004|10:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Nothing+ | ] |
Woke up. Went to my sister's graduation it was boring and long and we had to sit on bleachers for 3 hours with no room it sucked alot. these weird stupid people were screaming non stop. oh my gosh furbys are so cool. oh yay. I didnt go to school. wow! thats awesome. school sucks. who actually likes school? they are crazy. and mental in the head. school sucks. teachers suck. homework sucks. sitting in class for hours sucks.lunch sucks people suck everything basically sucks. yay the end i love you <33 later |
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| Field Day |
[May. 24th, 2004|04:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Fuck the world | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +HIM/Razorblade Kiss...Me trying to sing+ | ] |
I saw Rosario this morning, was going to give him lauren's book, because we aren't friends, and they are skipping today! well he is! shes not coming back. Grr I am so mad, and like WTF man, he has issues, hes mad then i love you jax then mad like make up your mind then hes mad because lauren was mad at me?? uh huh serious issues. Pilla asked me where lauren was, i said shes home she goes oh im like yep shes like is she coming back i said i dont know dont care, shes like wheres rosario, i did -cough cough- i said I dont know and we aren't friends anymore. Then i walked away. Today we stayed outside all day. Damn it was boring, I just sat and listened to my cd player on full blast, ppl said turn it off but i ignored them, i was listening to loud musik! but matched my mood..angry and some depressing. I forgot i had put Join Me on there, so it came on, i started to cry, because its laurens song. I don't even want to think of her right now. Chelsea said she would talk to her for me. Chelsea is so cool...But yeah. i turned it off. i Mostly drew and wrote in my notebook i actually wrote a 11 page note to lauren, and a 5 page note to rosario, then i stabbed it scribbed it up and threw them away..... i had put i love lulu and suga on the cover..i had the note book for a while well and i crossed it out.. I wrote "JAX" in my arm. yay. with the metal part of my pencil. it was really cool. People called me a whinny because i didnt want to do any of the games or contests. I told them to fuck off..It was actually fun. I didn't talk to anyone the whole time. I went to the wrong lunch with the other team, i didn't even know it wasn't my team and got in trouble. Stupid Me. I don't want to go to school anymore. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. My mom is bitching at me to get off, screw everything, bye
</3
Jax |
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| Yay! |
[May. 23rd, 2004|09:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  spazzy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +HIM/Join Me+ | ] |
LULU'S BACK!! OMG OMG OMFG!!111 +SPAZ+ i missed you buddy...wuv you.....That so made me happy. I've been having a fucked up crappy week and that just made it better thank yooou for calling meh i feel loved. Love ya lulu. Now I want to do something with you. <333 you lots. I just woke up, I'm tired, I'm still sad..but Lulu made me happy. Damn school is going to fucking suck. Lulus not coming and like rosario is gonna skip to hang with her..he really is confusing im so mad at him, we were argueing, then lulu 3way and hes oh i love you jax, and then we get off the phone and he talks shit again online.. grr +stab stab+ |
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| Lulu |
[May. 22nd, 2004|09:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Drowning Pool/Bodies+ | ] |
Hey..I'm so tired, another sleepless night i am so frustrated i want to kill everyone or kill myself i hate my mom i hate school i hate teachers i hate people (not lulu and rosario and chelsea) they are cool, I miss Lulu I want her to come back, i think im going to cry i never even said bye i shouldve skipped too I thought she was coming back yesterday, Chelsea was all jumping around excited, Ms Fiore says she'll be there a while longer. She'll probably miss the last week. I hope I see her again. I really miss her and I know Rosario and Chels do to. I hope she survives Columbia. i miss my lulu!! yesterday was a boring night..we were suppose to go to movies and bowling...but laurens at columbia... rosario didnt go to school lauren etheir..it was boring.. school sucks...i have a F in math and will go to summer school and probably fail. YAY! i have 1 week to bring it up haha right ill still get killed... Later i wish lulu was back rosario wanted to ask her out..aww? |
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| Prom Night @ LWM |
[May. 21st, 2004|04:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Slipknot/Duality+ | ] |
school sucked today, it always sucks, one week left, dont think i can last, and grr everyones going to prom tonight, it makes me sick. no one was at school, everyone left early to get there "nails and hair done" OMG! wow. I'm not going. proms are gay. YAY! |
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| Alone once again |
[May. 20th, 2004|04:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Quietness, Me typing, my soft crying+ | ] |
Alone once again in the dark shadows of my room. Alot of stuff is on my mind and I'm going insane. Rosario is being all weird. Today he was in Ms Pilla's class again, we sat together and did our packet but he got me really mad. We were working on phobias and we were saying if we have phobias hes scared of bugs, what a retard, and i told him i had a phobia hes like jackie your phobia is yoyo, im like fuck you that just really pissed me off, I am not scared of yoyo and that really hurt me that rosario said that it really did, i hate yoyo and he can go die my phobia is of being alone. then later me and him were talking about lauren and he said that if she wasn't going out with chelsea he would ask her out. Aww isn't that sweet? That'd be so awesome, I think so, I would be happy for them even though i like him just a little tiny bit...no one knows that tho well i think. and everyone is giving me a hard time about prom, I am not going to prom I am never ever going to a prom, I never will. 6th grade prom really sucked ass, i dont know why i went. proms are gay. and bridgets like are you still jealous of me from 6th grade me dancing with yoyo? Hell No. ME JEALOUS OF HER?? where the hell did she hear that?? I wasnt Jealous. it just Shocked me. In ms pillas we were doing our packets me christina and rosario and he was inviting her to do something with us friday night im like ROSARIO!! and hes like what.. i said never mind.. i only wanted it to be us, is that a bad thing? I got really mad and i started crying a bit after a while I couldnt help it I had to cut, i Just had to, so i got a pencil and chewed the metal and started to scratch my arms, it stung for hours, they still sting right now. One of them was bleeding, but i didnt care, there was blood on my paper from it eep. no one noticed, rosario and christina were having a convo, then i got up and took one of ms pillas pencils sat down and started to chew on it rosarios like NO OR IM GOING TO TELL MS PILLA YOUR GOING TO CUT YOURSELF!! im like im not im just chewing.. then christina took it..then i found another and cut in ms fiores, i didnt even work on our project, i dont care, i think i have a D in her class, I know i am failing math and will probably have summer school isnt that great? I can't take this anymore. I feel like screaming. I want something sharper than a damn pencil but my mom hid everything, where the hell is my dads gun? i miss lulu and im so fucking tired, I've had sleepless nights all this week, my mom is bitching at me right now..I hate life..i think im gonna cry.. |
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| Nothingness |
[May. 19th, 2004|05:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Silence+ | ] |
Hi, today sucked, i have nothing to say. Bye
Later
Jax |
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| Kill Me |
[May. 18th, 2004|07:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Pissed at the world. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Blink 182/I love TD yayness+ | ] |
I am going INSANE!!!!!!!I really wanna end it now. Dammit, where did my mom hide my dad's gun? She hid it from me, what a stupid bitch, shes always complaining about me and making my life hell if she doesnt care why doesnt she just give me the gun and let me use it!!! CALL COLUMBIA ON ME DAMN IT I COULD CARE LESS!! i just want to diieeeeee. they cant stop me ethier!! gahh and i am failing math!! but i dont care!! gahhh! 9 week exams are coming up for all my classes and Oh my fucking god i can't concintrate i swear! I hate everything!! I hate this pain i have inside. It's killing me. It's tearing me apart. I walked to Dunkin Donuts alone today, I started crying the walk there, Jennifer saw me and shes like whats wrong.. im like oh nothin..Everyone in dunkin donuts was lookin at me the dude even asked if i was okay i didnt answer him i just gave him the money and took my coolata and left..on the way back it was 9:25 i had 10 minutes to go to class, i said fuck it and just walked really slow.. i found a piece of broken glass out by the gate where we wait in the morning, i put it in my pocket.. after lunch i went to the bathroom and scratched myself with it a few times, ms pilla saw me bleeding and looked at me weird she gave me a bandaid but i threw it away and later i just chewed on my pencil took the metal part and ripped some off and made it sharp and scratched myself with it then i dropped it.. i broke teh pencil in half and used the broken half..then i took a paper clip in ms fiores class and wrote yoyos name on my ankle gahh. why? he was staring at me after school. -sigh- but.the worst of all I miss lulu. I didn't even get to say bye before she left..i hope she comes back Friday so we can go to the movies and bowling why is everyone going to the stupid prom? gahh prom is gay. I hope we can go that would be so awesome the 3 amigos! the 3 fat kids. lol kidding NO OFFENSE!!But who knows with my mom being a whore i maybe cant go..i miss lulu..i really love her alot she rocks..Rosario is ignoring me still, he came to Ms Pillas 5th period again.. i guess his teacher doesnt care but shes gone he has a sub for a while so he comes here all the time, ms pilla doesnt care, it's awesome but He doesn't talk to me, he only hangs with me when its Me, him and lulu. it really sucks because I'm really starting to like him, and it just really hurts. He likes lauren but i mean geez you say im your friend and your not freaking acting like it! i still love him tho bff <33 him and lulu i love em always <33 ima get a tatoo that says lulu and suga and jax bff always... :D i want to..and ima get it written on my grave.. well Lulus name for sure..Rosario too if hes still my friend i know i annoy the hell out of him and that he really hates me I've been in this little depression for a while now, I've been depressed all my life, i'm just not happy with it at all. but i have to say this is one of my worst depressions yet.. I just want to let go...I can't take this. i smoked 2 of my dads cigs..damn what is wrong with me?? I never felt so horrible. I'ma see if i can drown myself in the shower. -cough- Gun Please?
-laugh- i love this song.. Tom is so funny. i wanna fuck a dog in the ass. he wants to fuck a dog in the ass. i wanna fuck a dog. thats right kids I tried to fuck your mom in the ass tried to fuck your dad in the ass could only find the dog
And his ass hehee TD r0x0rz. that made me happy for a sec.
Later.
Jax |
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| Life Sucks |
[May. 17th, 2004|04:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +My crying+ | ] |
Damnit, Life sucks. Why am I living? I am so sick of life that it's not even funny. I want to diee! My mom called the mental hospital yesterday because i tried to kill myself. i want to grr i am so frustrated at life why the hell was i put on earth?? OMG i am so happy Lauren is not dead. shes my bff. i love you lulu <33 i was so scared.Today really sucked, what day doesnt?? Any day now i'll commite suicide... 9 more days of school i can't take it!! I can not take that FAG YOYO! i can not take ALL THIS FRICKIN WORK THAT THE TEACHERS ARE GIVING US!! All the people who talk SHIT about me!! Rosario not talking to me! My moms constant bitching about me! Dude if she has a problem w/ me why doesnt she just fucking throw me out?? I'll fucking leave the house if she wants me to. ILL LEAVE THIS FUCKING PLANET FOREVER!!This shit hurts me soo bad. and the thing that hurts me the most is i love lulu and rosario they are my best friends and i dont want to leave them after these last 9 days..im sure they are glad they wont see me again... it is so painful and i cant take it anymore!! i hate everything! i have so much math homework for today! Damnit i should of went with Rosario and Lulu!! I know he didn't want me to come. I know it. I'm not doing my math i dont even fucking understand it. im failing math but who gives a shit?? i dont! if i repeat FINE whatever. but i hope its not at this school!!! its gonna be NO WHERE! I HATE SCHOOL!! ahh! +sob sob+ +tear tear+ i love my knife
</3
Jax |
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| In my room alone |
[May. 16th, 2004|10:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Blink182/Adam's Song+ | ] |
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mum this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time is right
The tour is over, I survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
Lyrics to my favorite song "Adam's Song" by Blink 182.
that's how im feeling right now. <333 TD.
Hey.. I just woke up.It's almost 11. I'm tirred and i have a headache. and everything is just pissing me off and i think rosario is mad at me and i dont want to go to school tomorrow and i cant take this grr and from my poem.."If I had the courage I would take my knife and I would cut till i couldn't feel anything anymore" i wish i had the courage to do it i want to so bad but im just so scared i have this fear of being alone but i want to just get it over with im sick of life! can someone stab me? And i have freakin math homework and i was suppose to look up famous ppl in the 1940s from history..heh cause i wasnt there cause i SKIPPED!! but it was better than being in fiores class..but then i wonder if i would have had more fun in her class? i felt so left out at rosarios... i still do..ack i have this feeling when im with the two of em i dont know what it is its just weirrrd. but i love them both..bffs forever i didn't go to sleep till late yesterday i talked to my wall for like an hour..lmao.. i couldnt fall asleep lots of stuff on my mind! I wanna go to the movies or bowling w/ lulu and suga so freaking bad!! I think I'm going to go crazy and mentally insane if i dont see lulu!!!! I really need to talk to em'! They prolly dun wanna go with me anyways. But i really need someone to talk to and thats the thing im not in the mood to talk to someone! but i really need to do something get off my ass and go do something talk to someone, or im just going to drop dead i swear. -sigh- ima go listen to musik..Later
</3 Jax |
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| Weird Dream |
[May. 15th, 2004|09:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Smile Empty Soul/Silhouettes+ | ] |
Hello. I just woke up.. I'm tired as hell, i couldn't get to sleep but after like a few hours i fell asleep. I had a weird dream. It was Me, Lauren, and Rosario and we skipped school, and we went to Rosario's House and when we got there we went in his room. Rosario, lauren, and his dog had a threesome, of course i was left out. oh yeah his dad came home caught them! hahahaha anyways.. i wanted to go bowling yesterday..but lulu was busy.. I'm gonna do my homework tonight, and I hope we can go tomorrow. I really really need to hang out with my best friends. I'm majorly depressed right now and i need to see my bffs! And I really need to talk to them or lulu in person and i dont think i can wait until school. Later
</3 Jax |
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| Lulu and Suga are the best! |
[May. 14th, 2004|11:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | +Evanescence/My Immortal+ | ] |
I'm bored...and tired...Yesterday was so much funn. Thanx Lulu for making meh skipp with you guys. I was really skurred that we would get caught. AHH rosario spanked our bootys. ahh.that was so wrong.i kinda like him i guess lol but shuddap, is it kinda obvious? tell meh the truth. i didnt feel like he really wanted meh there. b/c in the morning he didnt ask meh..then he didnt say he wanted me to go he only wanted u and it felt wrong b/c you been to his house b4 and played xbox and like i didnt do nething but watch u guys then u sm0ked n played wif the dog n its like i had no point to be there and that maybe i wouldve had m0re fun in ms fi0res? i really dunno but i am really confused/ depressed. heyy and @ ur house was weird.. i dun think ur friend liked me..and i think chelsea thinks im crazy/annoying. n u guys were like making out n shit and im just watchin the tv...are you my friend..? like really? i really dunno i am so confused these days. i dont even think rosario is my friend. and ill say it again he didnt want meh to go.. i feel dead right now blah. um im gonna go find somfin to watch on tv.. i guess no bowling today?
later.
</3 Jax |
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